speech

I am apparently horrible at verbal communication,
especially in loud environments,
with my
small
lisping
voice muted by the crashing orchestra
of sharp noise,
and the roaring clamor
of metallic bass
pounding at surrounding
space.

I am evidently awful at written communication,
especially in loud environments,
with my
self-conscious internal flagellation
and
over indulgent serial contemplations
of the delivery
and formations
of my insufficient speaking,
spilling,
leaking
from my mind onto paper or a screen
... Blank.

I know not what to write
that won't come out contrite or sorry,
they say not to worry 
but how can one not 
when you've sought 
to convey a thought
but all that you say is naught
... not... naught...
Nil and still,
immobile
docile 
weakly seeking
to transcend the realm of thought
to speaking
or at the very least peeking
from behind the heavy curtain of abstraction...
is such a violent extraction
from the 
Awkward,
Inarticulate, 
and seldom Understood.

Quiet Mouse

Crouching in a corner crying
Demons creep to scorn her trying
to be a normal person, lying
"You'll always be a filthy mess
A monster in a human's dress
No one's impressed
by ugliness"

Dirty girl
Wrapped in rags
Cracked lips
and cigarette drags

Quiet Mouse
you never speak
Insignificant Creature
A Fucking Freak

Cower in the womb of weeping
Powerless and secret keeping
An embryo, a fetus feeding
From a tube of futile needing
Forever this, and nothing more
Cursed from birth a slave to whore
out its soul for sugar and shit,
You'll never find the perfect fit
The key is not lost, it doesn't exist
No one wants a child of the abyss

Dirty girl
Wrapped in rags
Cracked lips
and cigarette drags

Quiet Mouse
you never speak
Insignificant Creature
A Fucking Freak

Mascara smeared
across its eyelids
Hungry eyes
and black night iris
Begging for its light to shine
I'll kiss you right, I'll make you mine
But only if you look behind
this worldly mask,
I dare not ask

Dirty girl
Wrapped in rags
Cracked lips
and cigarette drags

Quiet Mouse
you never speak
Insignificant Creature
A Fucking Freak

Few are fit to get to know
the story behind the show
Who I really am inside
Stitch our mouths and seek to hide
our lonely weak, our true beings
and only speak of happy things

But I find joy in the horror,
the exquisite terror
of human fragility
in dark dreams dwell a soft tranquility
and it goes against sanity,
and this rage against vanity,
and the struggle with humanity
to fit in
and
not
feel
like
a

Dirty girl
Wrapped in rags
Cracked lips
and cigarette drags

Quiet Mouse
you never speak
Insignificant Creature
A Fucking Freak

Your Otherself CD cover art

Your Otherself Music on Facebook

More art by me on my other bloggie: EmptyIdentityEntity

Imaginary

It seems....

Everytime I think I'm Home,
My Sanctuary crumbles to dust.
Everytime I find my Light,
the Darkness steals it away.
Everytime I share my Flesh,
It is slashed by Blades of Indifference.

Does this mean anything
to anyone
but me?

I ache to find a Reality
that exists beyond a Fantasy

I wait to find my Heart
I've forgotten how it feels
to hear
I Love You

I break each night so Silently
In Secrecy
I die a bit each day
that you are away,
my Imaginary ....

The One who will stay until the End,
the One whose words sing Truth,
whose Passions burn and fires Soothe
the chilling emptiness in my
Deepest Depths

Please be real,
I pray to a non-existent god
a fraud forging care
just as men dare
to pretend
.....my Imaginary

Please be True,
I beg of You
And find your way
to me one day


I know you are out there,
Somewhere
Beneath the same Moon,
Gazing upon these same Stars
and bearing kindred Scars

My
Imaginary.


............................................................

Fail to Speak

What I feel cannot be said
And from my heart, the crimson red
Stains on a sheet of an empty bed
From deepest depths, my soul has bled
Oh what a trying life we lead
We suffer well, strive to succeed
An insatiable hunger we fail to feed
An ever present yearning and a constant need
To cling to hope, to believe
That the heart does not deceive
And all the beauty we perceive
Will never cease, and on my sleeve
I wear this thing, so frail and weak
And think the thoughts I fail to speak.
                      ~

Adrift in a Sea of Gray

Adrift in a sea of gray
Sailing toward forever's bay
The coast eclipsed by fog of doubt
The ghost ship drifts an aimless route
The compass broke, no use in trying
All the while the muse is dying
We dream in color but wake to die
And ache to paint a sapphire sky
Filled with stars instead of holes
It's who we are, our wandering souls
Adrift in a sea of gray
Sailing toward forever's bay

Grinding Gears of a Fatal Machine

The grinding gears of a fatal machine
...a mechanism of eternal unclean
Screeching, shrieking, pounding commotion
Reaching, seeking, a confounding devotion
Flip the switch or blow the fuse
Use discretion as you choose
Shut it off and kill the noise
Truth is pure and denial destroys
Pollutes the chambers of the heart
Shut if off and tear apart
The grinding gears of a fatal machine.
                        ~